Slughorns first rule of potions making
by the-scary-girl-next-door
Summary: Never trust a potion by it's colour. When Lily ignores this rule it ends with dire and hyterical consequences. LILYJAMES MWPP era as well as other random pairings


Lily didn't like Potions- correctionshe still _doesn__'t _like Potions.

She told herself while stirring her cauldron a little too vigorously so the liquid inside splashed around, _I mean, just because it__'s my best subject doesn't mean I have to like it. In fact, I think Slughorn is the only one who can stand the stupid subject- well, him and Snape. _

Smiling wryly, Lily thought, given half the chance, Snape would marry the bloody subject; that Advanced Potions textbook of his or Slughorn himself. She muffled a giggle at the thought of Slughorn in a top hat and Snape in a veil, making the real Slughorn (sadly the one without the top hat) grunt from the corner he was currently stationed at.

She couldn't believe it. Here she was, Lily, giving up her spare time (_think of all the revision I could be doing!_) because Slughorn had pestered - hell, bribed her into coming to do an extra credit project that involved brewing her own potion. Ok, so admittedly it did go toward her NEWTs, but even so… And Slughorn had fallen asleep! And worse still, he snores. And they weren't quiet snores either, but horridly loud fart-like snores. Every other breath he took made his moustache flutter as the booming snores bounced off the Dungeon walls amplified to a new volume, slowly driving Lily insane.

Stepping back from the immense heat of the flames that licked at the bottom of her cauldron, Lily watched the potion bubble and turn from a pea-green to a bright pink that hurt her eyes to look at. She wasn't sure if that was good or not. But, she thought, pink potion never hurt anyone did it? Evil looking black potion or sinister red, but pink? No. Lily dismissed Slughorn's first rule of potion's making: _never trust a potion but its colour, _and conjured up a goblet from thin air, plunging it immediately into the potion.

She had been working on the potion for a month now and was sure it was finally ready. Her own potion, it was supposed to make the invisible, visible (good for that damn cloak of Potter's), and without a second thought tipped the potion into her mouth and swallowed.

Lily smacked her lips together, waiting for something- _anything - _to happen.

Nothing did.

Waving her wand she turned her goblet invisible easily. She could see it. Strange. Again, she waved her wand, this time her brass scales. And again, she couldn't see anything.

She packed up, slightly unnerved. Determined to tell Slughorn where he could stick his extra credit classes.

"Minerva?" Slughorn asked suddenly, rubbing his eyes with his fists. Lily blinked, momentarily stunned by the fact he couldn't tell the difference between the two. She had always been so worried about turning into her mother that she hadn't thought about turning into McGonagall…

"Professor I think-"

Slughorn cut her off.

"Minerva, how many times have I asked you to call me Horry?"

She couldn't help it - her jaw dropped. "What?" she stammered. Slughorn stood up hastily, embraced her hand in his then let go quickly, hurrying away talking as he went. "I knew you would come. Couldn't resists the Slugmister, I suppose. Do you want something to drink? Butterbeer? Or maybe something stronger to… you know, _get us in the mood."_

By the time Slughorn had returned with drinks Lily was sitting down, feeling faint. His face stretched into a grin and Lily didn't like the way his eyes glinted. He handed her a drink and sat down next to her. Without thinking (she needed something to numb the sheer pain she was going through), Lily knocked back the drink.

"You look younger everyday." Slughorn eyed her "youthful" complexion.

"Sir, it's me, Lily-" Slughorn, who had been eyeing his own glass of wine quietly nodded.

"Yes, good job she was gone really. This would have been rather embarrassing otherwise…" He bent closer to her so his moustache tickled her face, his lips puckered. Like a shot Lily had jumped out of his seat and crossed the room. She had no idea what was happening but she wasn't going to sit there and let that perverted professor have his wicked way with her. Lily playing the role of McGonagall: that was just plain wrong on SO many levels…

Hurrying from the dungeon Lily only stopped when she reached the Entrance hall.

"What the hell just happened?" she asked the room around her, but she had an idea she already knew. That potion. That damn potion. She looked at her hands doubtfully: nope, still Lily Evans hands, not old wrinkly Minerva McGonagall hands (thank Merlin).

"Hey! Hey you! You should be in your common room at this time in the evening."

Lily turned round quickly to see a prefect jogging towards her. This was all she needed. As he got closer Lily noticed that it was none other than Gilderoy Lockhart himself. He smoothed down his magenta robes quickly. "I'm sorry but you should be in your dormitory—" he stopped, eyes growing round as he looked at Lily. "Oh haha very funny, now who put you up to this?"

"What?" Lily asked.

"Well if you don't own up I'll take you to our Head girl."

Snapping back quickly, "Lockhart, you twat I'm AM the Head girl." She snapped her fingers in front of his face. "It's me: Lily." But he didn't take any notice and shook his head.

"Sure you are buddy…" Taking hold of Lily's arm he forced her along the corridor towards the headmaster's office. "You're not even a girl so how the hell do you expect me to believe that?"

It was then Lily fainted.

When Lily came to, she immediately regretted it. Here she was in the Infirmary with Lockhart stroking her hair. He smiled down at her and removed his hand quickly, embarrassed.

"Professor!" Lockhart called. "Professor he's awake!" (_He__'s?_)

A moment later, Dumbledore was stood over Lily's bed. Ignoring Lily now altogether, Gilderoy asked, "Who is he, Albus?" Dumbledore didn't seem at all shocked by the fact Lockhart had addressed him on first name terms. "Looks just like me…" Again, Dumbledore didn't speak but merely smiled and nodded.

"I think," he said at last, "You should leave us Mr Lockhart, no doubt you will want to tell your fellow housemates of your heroics."

After Lockhart's departure (he had asked Lily what conditioner he used first), Dumbledore sat down in his vacant chair.

"Hello." He smiled warmly. "I'm sorry you had to meet one of our more _unusual _Prefects." He chuckled, and then his face became serious. "What's your name?"

Replying automatically Lily said, "Lily Evans. Sir what's going on?"

Just like Lockhart Dumbledore's eyes grew wide with shock. "Miss Evans?" he asked suspiciously, his arm jerked in the direction of his wand. "Sir? OW-"

Dumbledore whacked her over the head with his wand and a flash of white light filled the room. As the light cleared Lily saw the headmaster was smiling again.

"Sorry," he said, "Had to make sure." Lily nodded in understanding- well, tried to understand. Of course, if she was an impostor he had to make sure. "I suppose you want to know what has happened." She didn't even have to answer. "I believe that you must have accidentally taken a charm called Anautoclearus, or the Whatever You Want Me to be charm. It must have been slipped into your pumpkin juice. It is although an incredibly hard potion to make…" With a sinking feeling in her stomach Lily thought that it had nothing whatsoever to do with pumpkin juice and more to do with the stupidest potion mistress this side of the Hogwarts, aka, Lily herself.

"I've never heard of this charm before," commented Lily quickly as Dumbledore eyed her suspiciously. "I'm sure you haven't. The 'Whatever You Want Me to be charm' is very difficult to brew, and if not done correctly can cause grave harm to those who take it. Also." Dumbeldore continued. "It has been banned by the Ministry." Lily felt panic rise up inside her.

"But why?" she asked. "What does it do?"

"Do not worry. The potion causes your physical appearance to change somewhat but it will wear off within a day a so." She glanced in the mirror and the shocking complexion of her twin looking back at her. "But I look the same!" The old man smiled again.

"What I should have said," he corrected himself, "Is that it causes your physical perception to be changed but whoever looks at you." Lily tried to take in what he had said.

"So basically I will look different to different people?

"Correct. You will become to that particular person who they love the most."

Lily laughed, "So that's why when Lockhart looked at me I became him, because he loves himself!" She couldn't help it but began to chuckle.

The headmaster nodded, "In essence, you are right. You are in perfect health you may go when you wish." Quickly he stood up.

"Professor." Lily asked quickly. "When you look at me who do you see?"

He shook his head slowly, "I see a woman who I knew and loved years ago… have a nice day." Quickly, he walked down the corridor.

It was only when Lily looked back on it later she thought that he might be lying. _But,_ she said to herself. _It had been a very personal question after all._

Lily crept down the corridor sticking to the walls and shadows. She found this was the easiest way to avoid being mobbed by students. After ducking behind a tapestry she slid down and sat, rubbing her temples. It was then she heard a shuffling behind her. Lily turned around quickly, shining the light from her wand as the cavernous walls. There, not more than a few meters away from her, sat a boy, or more rightly, a young man called Severus Snape.

Snape eyed Lily for a few seconds, a frown appearing on her face. She stood up quickly, not wanting to be the butt of anymore insults.

"Turn off that light," he snapped. "Do you want _her_ to see us?"

Lily wasn't listening but marched towards the end of a secret passage . Snape muttered darkly behind her.

"What did you say, Snape? Because I'm really not in the mood."

After this outburst Snape was silent about the strange person in front of him but continued to look at her. He spoke slowly. "I'm sorry. I just… I just didn't think you would come." Standing up, a curtain of black hair swinging into his face, he said, "No need to look so baffled. It's perfectly natural - the two of us." Lily didn't have a clue what he was talking about, but wasn't going to wait around to find out. It made her feel sick to think that Snape liked _anyone _in that way…

"Don't go. That Evans girl is on duty. She might see you." She didn't listen and ducked under one of the heavily decorated drapes. She was gone by the time Snape started pleading with the empty room knowing this was his only chance. "James," he asked.

By the time she got to the common room Lily was in not fit state to talk to anyone. She decided that she would kill the next person who wolf-whistled at her. A fight had broken out between two first years who both wanted to carry Lily's bag (leaving one sporting a bloody nose). She was contemplating going to her dormitory and making a Slughorn voodoo doll.

Because, after all, this was all his fault.

No sooner had she climbed into the portrait hole and taken four steps in the direction of the stairs than Sirius Black had appeared out of nowhere.

"OH MOVE OUT OF THE BLOODY WAY, BLACK!" she screamed, running up to her dormitory.

Unruffled by the whole incident Sirius did a running jump and landed in the chair opposite his two best friends. A muffled yell alerted them to the fact Sirius had landed on Peter Pettigrew, his other friend. Grinning sheepishly, Sirius said, "Sorry Pete." Peter whimpered in reply.

"Sirius, what is your problem? Can't you go a single day without hitting on some lady?" Remus Lupin asked.

"Oh you know, my Moony… and anyway it's _not just _the ladies I hit on."

Peter giggled and mouthed the word, "Giant Squid", making the boys laugh.

Remus continued, "Anyway, I didn't think she was your type."

"Are you kidding, Moony? She had legs up to here." He gestured to his neck. "And boobs.." He grouped the fresh air, "That were bigger than Peter's."

"Hey!" Peter covered his man boobs in defence

"Hey man, were we looking at the same chick?"

"First," addressed Sirius, "Don't EVER say 'dude' or 'chick' because you just look stupid. And third-"

"You mean second," corrected Remus with a shake of the head.

"Yeah, whatever - what do you mean?"

"Well, from her, I'm sure she was wearing a cardigan Sirius, A CARDIGAN."

Looking bewildered, Sirius stated, "No she wasn't she wasn't wearing anything…" His eyes glazed over at the thought of the strange naked girl.

"No she wasn't," interjected Peter. "She wearing a 'I heart toast.' t-shirt."

"James."

The three boys rounded on James Potter who had been quiet throughout the whole conversation.

"Um… I dunno, guys." He looked at the cracking flames of the fire. He didn't have a clue what the others were on about. Lily looked the same as she always looked. And as he bowed his head, thought, whatever they were on about Lily definitely hadn't been naked…


End file.
